Marriage Isn't Gay or Straight

Since my recent post celebrating the formal legalization of Tom & George's marriage, they have crafted an Open Letter to all Californians. In light of the looming state constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage (Proposition 8), close on the heels of California's landmark decision legalizing it, they wish to explain why this proposition should be defeated. The letter is personal, well-reasoned, factual and compelling. I urge everyone to read it, regardless of your position on the issue, because through it you will gain a very personal understanding of what marriage means to these two loving and committed men; you will see that it is the very same things the rest of us enjoy (or strive for) in our marriages. They've stripped away the rhetoric, the politics and the religious irrationality to deliver a cogent case to vote down this proposition.

It is a profound and sad irony that so many of my straight friends are struggling with infidelity, disrespect, and lost love in their failing or failed marriages, while Tom and George demonstrate precisely the opposite. By their daily example, they remind me that heterosexuality does not guarantee successful, loving marriages any more than homosexuality precludes them. I've come to realize that the ingredients we all cherish in marriage - deep love, mutual respect and lifelong commitment - have nothing to do with sexual orientation. They can be found anywhere - and anywhere they are found, they should be affirmed, supported, nurtured - for that is how the institution of marriage is strengthened. Tom and George's marriage does not diminish marriage - it strengthens marriage for us all.

When my first marriage failed, of all my friends it was Tom who helped me weather the trauma. It was Tom who was there to listen, console, advise and enlighten. And it was Tom who ultimately introduced me to my soulmate, with whom I have just celebrated 17 years of committed, loving marriage. It has honestly been the best 17 years of my life. So when I hear the argument that gay marriage reduces the value of marriage for all of us, I have to laugh, for it was my gay friend Tom who knew its true value far better than I at the time. I was a lucky recipient of that knowledge and I know others who have been equally blessed.

So I toast Tom & George's courage to present their case, I again urge you to read their thoughtful letter and, most importantly, I urge you to vote "no" on Proposition 8 on November 4th.