Tom & George

Last month, my good friend Tom and his husband, George, took advantage of the recent California Supreme Court ruling overturning the state's ban on same-sex marriage and finally obtained an official marriage license. The civil ceremony, conducted on a fine Saturday morning by a judge-acquaintance at a Downtown LA courthouse, was brief and private. I was not there, but my family and I joined the "newly-weds" for a celebratory lunch following the ceremony at a fun Mexican restaurant named Casita Del Campo in the Silver Lake area. We had a most enjoyable time with Tom's parents and a small group of the couple's close friends. The whole affair was very low-key and informal, so perhaps I can be excused for missing, at the time, the "big picture" significance of the event.

Seven years ago, Tom and George exchanged vows before God and a multitude of family and friends in a ceremony that was, in every sense except perhaps a legal one, a grand wedding. Held outdoors at a beautiful estate in the Hollywood Hills, the ceremony was a moving affirmation of two people's commitment to each other. My son, Tom's godson, was ring bearer. The reception that followed in the adjacent gardens overlooking the city was filled with fine food, drink and plenty of merriment. In virtually every way, that was the day Tom and George were married. That was the day they pledged themselves to each other - pledges not unlike those many of us have taken with our own life partners. I've always thought of that day as "Tom & George's wedding". So, perhaps I can, indeed, be excused for missing the significance of the events in a judge's chambers just a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps.

However, in the intervening weeks, I've mulled over these two events and come to realize how unfortunate it is that two ceremonies, separated by 7 years, were required to bestow all the rights and privileges to Tom and George that the rest of us enjoy from a single one. I will not vent outrage over the disparity - many others have done so far more eloquently than I. Instead, I urge all of us to rejoice with our homosexual brethren in the progress that is being made here and there towards familial equality. One more step forward. Hopefully, the proposed state constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage (Proposition 8) will be treated to the decisive defeat it so richly deserves this November. Hopefully, California will not step back from the enlightened vision of its Supreme Court.

But regardless of the twists and turns in society's road towards sexual equality, Tom & George's civil ceremony and celebratory lunch this summer have reminded me that two dear friends who have chosen to build a life together are blessed in their mutual commitment. May they live long, love fully and grow old gracefully and fulfilled.